All you need to know about Chemistry!

                                            

As it is always said, the only difference between being in love and being (an addict) high on drugs is that being in love is legal. Just like getting high, falling in love allows you to see the world through beautiful rose colored glasses – only seeing what makes you feel good and ignoring what makes you feel bad.

Your drug induced haze forces you to only see where you are similar to your lover, hiding you partner’s flaws and making you say and do anything to get along and please each other.

Until the high wears off. May be some 2 weeks or even 2 years.

Now, your brain stops producing chemicals of love and you wake up one morning with what everybody call a “Love Hangover”, being  next to the most incompatible person in the world.

Chemistry - It’s been a trending term in recent times when it comes to relationship and commitments between two people. In scientific terms, it is merely the chemical process that stimulates sexual attraction between two. Practically, making the butterflies to fly in stomach, till the end and keeping them alive is eventually the right relationship.

Every relationship starts with bunch of butterflies flying in stomach, sparks in eyes, hit by thunderbolt, which is probably believed to be the right chemistry. Trust me , your initial days are going to be the fairy tales and you got to experience few emotions , which is believed to be the perfect start religiously.

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Oh gosh! Where did he come from and yes he is the right guy – Yes! You believe and at times convince yourself that he is your Paris and you will be the perfect Helen.

Don’t ever think of leaving me, because I have already built our kingdom of love and we have two kids – You could not even digest or believe that he broke up and think how someone could imagine of leaving such a guy. You also end up building your own castles with him.

I’m into you totally and know basically nothing about you - Like, do you have a secret family? Is it weird to ask about diseases? Do you mind if I speak loudly in public. Can we go for FDFS movie of my favourite hero?

That sweet and ticklish feel, when he allows you to listen to your favourite song in the car- Spice Girls, Justin Bieber or Ilayaraja …. Doesn’t really matter how much you are going to test his music boundaries, and he just goes with it.

He calls you pretty, when you are not in your “Prime” – He doesn’t mind and still compliments you, when you rush to him without your kajal and lipstick

Again, as almost all matters and fields of life are subject to change, this sphere of love and relationship is also inevitably prone to change. The chemistry fails here without the right proportions of our reactants and we will be scared of audiences.

Here comes the stage, where you become one among the stars of sky in relationship struggles and whether you are going to rise as Sun or disappear as stars is based on us. It will be a painful time, for most of the couple, as the illusion “True love will last forever”, fades away slowly, which will be replaced with anger and disappointment.


One of the interesting articles, which i read clearly describes about this stage, as struggle Stage. Instead of seeing your similarities(like you did in the romance Stage), you begin focusing on your differences and your partner's flaws.
So, you get to work trying to change your partner back into the person you thought they were, or punish them for not being that way , or both.
Often one partner pulls away and withdraws, needing space… and the other partner needily chases them feeling emotionally deserted. If you can relate to any of this in your own relationship, then your relationship is likely stuck in the Power Struggle Stage.

The goal of this stage of the relationship is to establish your autonomy inside your relationship, without destroying the love connection between you. This stage can last anywhere from a few months to years and years, depending on the support and guidance you have and your willingness to grow. We have our own expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to mould each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. This stage is a lot about give and take, and both partners constantly try to subtly convince each other to change their behavior towards the relationship.

This is a power struggle , and one that can end the relationship if both partners are domineering.
After a few months of being together with each other when the ‘love chemicals’ wear off, couples return to their normal selves with normal moods and sex drive.

Everything starts getting back to normal, and instead of only focusing on each other, couples become more involved with their daily duties and work. Those who aren’t aware of this normal stage of love in a relationship might think they’ve fallen out of love. Sometimes they might even get upset by their partner’s lack of attention on them. Small bickering and fights are a normal part of this stage of love. But sometimes confrontation is healthy as it helps you understand things better.

So what are the catalysts we are going to add, to increase the love proportion and get the right equation.

Give up your fantasies of harmony - because you already have him and own him. Learn to accept and appreciate each other's difference.
Let us stop comparing yourself with others - Yes, your best friend just married and is already pregnant and living her happily ever after and you cant even seem to get a date.
That's OK. People find what they need at their own pace. Spend your days doing what keeps you happy and focus on that - not what you’re missing or think you should have at a certain point in time
Get out of the couch - Have an actual conversation with a real human being instead of relying on text. Put yourself out there and be ready to take a chance.
Replace where we're at with where we want to be - When you begin the conversation with goals, it gets both partners thinking about solutions, possibilities, and opportunities for change.
Its unrealistic to expect - Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and resentment. However your view of precisely what is classed as 'realistic' is likely to be different from mine and from your partner's.
The way you compromise - You want spaghetti; I want steak. We agree that we’ll eat spaghetti tonight, steak tomorrow. In its simplest form, this is the way of compromise.

At the end of the day, compromise anything for your relationship, if you know that he/she is the person. When you learn to confront and resolve issues and conflicts, it helps your relationship mature. 
Give what you want to get. Our needs change with time. If you'd like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more. It's a simple program that really works. Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting..

VALUABLE and IM(I’M)PURe…

Amma and appa, I know you will now be crying in front of my photos J. I am not able to wipe away your tears. Everywhere, in every forms of media, people fight for me, gossip about me J some even curse me. Through this letter I am gonna reveal the unknown truth. Let me remove the knots of pain behind every rape victims, at least then let this planet value us.

Give me a call, when you reach your place, will be send off message probably by every parent to the girl. Who made the mistake? Does the attitude of girl, to pursue her dreams sounds wrong? Does the attitude of a girl, to remain flexible and competitive like guys sound sluggish? Did I make mistake, by deciding to uplift my family in society through my job

Appa, these words are for you J You always insisted me to be brave, learn self defense. I did notL . Asked me to run everyday morning, to gain stamina. You know what appa, when he chased me to get what he needed from me, I realized how weak I am, I realized my stamina level. Your favourite dress of mine  is torn daddy. I still realize the day, during my age of 5,when I fell from cycle, and it bleeded a little in my knee, you did not sleep for 1 week till the scar disappeared. And now appa, L I am hurt everywhere. ? Appa, you always said that you wished for a girl, during second delivery of amma, and I was born. And you never regretted for it. I know from now you are going to regret it for lifetime. I really want to live appa , I have lots of dreams. But in our society, virginity is considered to be precious and highly valuable, than a victim’s soul like mine. I really doubt, whether all of us would have lived happily in our place, If I survived. Why did I assume that every guy in this planet will be like my appa and anna. Why did I assume that every guy will be brought up with love, care and taught about value of girl like amma did. J

AMMA J

Amma this is for you J you insisted me, on every periods to sleep, to overcome the pain of bleeding. May be because of that, I am now going to sleep forever. It pained, It was hurt, it was torn L Along with his cigarette, my dreams, my virginity, my purity above all my soul was burnt.  Amma, you always told me it will be painful, but not this extent. I realized, why you always insisted me to wear shawls, wear long tops. Not to wear sleeveless, not to wear low necks, above all not to trust anyone. But I know it is too late. I did not leave this world, so easily and so soon. I struggled, crawled for water, suffered with stomach pain, and ashamed of reaching people with torn clothes.  You always teased for looking into mirror throughout the day, and now I will never be able to look into the mirror again, I am ashamed too. Amma , is it a curse to give birth to a girl childL

To all of you people, who discuss in forum, about the rapes, gossip about victims in media, question the family of victims after the incident. Instead, teach every guy to donate bloodJ May be he will understand the value of blood and value of soul.

To my family and society, instead of decorating my photos with flowers, and lighting lamp and crying or protesting or spreading awareness with it, instead hold pluck cards of guy because of whom I buried my dreams, because of whom my family became famous and hot topic for every morning newspaper. Change the law, change the punishment and save me. Let me be the last girl, let this be the last letter delivered.